i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
