Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
