I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
