Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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