But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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