mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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