There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You smell like stripper and shame
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
