I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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