I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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