But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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