He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
