4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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