I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
