quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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