i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
