You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
