this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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