the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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