Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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