Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
