why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
is it fun? or sober?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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