Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
