My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
