Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
