Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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