Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
