We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
