at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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