There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
