Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
