Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
