Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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