I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
