You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
