My friends, they love my intelligence
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
it's great music for shaving your balls
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
