I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
