I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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