As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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