he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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