how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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