I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
