I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
