Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
