one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
