Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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