Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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