Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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