He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
