Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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