I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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