so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
