He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We just shotgunned beers for America
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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