I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
